The Beginning

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Name : Siva
Age : 30
Distance covered to discovering self : Nothing !
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Starting a blog to pen down my thoughts as they are too random to keep track of. I am hoping that writing would help me keep what I have learnt in mind and maybe evoke when I need it the most. The magnitude of this task seems so enormous, I wonder if it is entirely possible to succeed at it at all. The more I think about it and the more I read, the more amazing it sounds and at the same time, the more difficult. I need to come up with some criteria to judge how far I have come in this path. All in due time. First things first ... Who do I think I am ?

I always considered myself a happy-go-lucky type of guy. I am not overly serious about anything in life. I trust the universe to get me through where I need to be. I don't put much efforts anywhere and generally am not too tense about anything. I run my own business and am pretty satisfied as long as I earn as much as I need to get through.

I am not sure if God exists. I don't believe in rituals or going to temples. If there is God, and he (gender is immaterial) is the way we are taught, frivolous things like rituals or doing stuff for temples would not please him anyway. Stuff many people of different religions consider blasphemy would not anger him either. If he were so easily angered, he would be more human than god.

I also believe that no books or idols and in fact no place in this world can take a human being to God. There is only one way of travel to know the truth and that travel would be inward and not outward. Rest everything is a marketing gimmick. The easiest way to exploit people is to make them believe in a brand. And there exists no bigger brand in the world than "God". I see people spending so much money on places of worship .. what for ? Is Money so important to their God ?

I am sure I am insignificant,although I have been taught that I am the center of the universe. I know this, but I never practice it. Ego is so very deeply embedded in me that all I do is to serve my Ego. Everything is being done for possessions, either object or people. My house, my car, my wife, my kids ...

As far as I have read, the only way to rise beyond this ego is to be aware of it. To be aware of it, I need to be conscious every moment. If I can manage to get by the day without sleeping (which I have come to understand I do each moment), i might be able to see how my mind acts.

I also have to begin meditating. I have heard so much, yet cant bring myself to do it. I have so many hobbies that all my free time is occupied. I work so little and have so much free time, but I really am not free at all. I need to take out time to meditate.

Listening to interpretation of Geeta is a good way to stay in touch with what is real and what is not. Everything I meditate on, everything I think about, I forget in my day to day life. As long as I am not applying it, it is bound to go away.

So for now, being aware of my mind and to start meditating is the target ...